April 10, 2008

Snow and Fire

It is snowing today. But it is supposed to be in the 60s this weekend. That's Denver for you. I am kind of thankful for the snow, gives me an excuse to hole up at home and it also helps me not feel like a slacker for not getting any planting done yet. The warm weather over the last few weeks had been making me feel a bit behind the ball as far as Spring planting goes. The snow makes me feel like I still have some time to get it all started.

Had my suppression check today: ultrasound and bloodwork. The ultrasound showed no cysts! I was really worried about that since I had a couple cysts back when we were doing IUIs. But all looked clear. And just to be sure, I chased the ultrasonographer down the hall after she placed me in a room to wait for my blood draw, and I asked her if she was "really really sure there were no cysts.....because you know, it was hard to see my ovaries with that part of my bowel in the way, and I did see some follicles - were those just antrals?" And she assured me that everything was fine, there was NO cyst - she would not have missed it, and the antral follicles were a GOOD sign. And then she wrote something in my chart - probably something like, "Difficult", or "High Maintenance", or "Crazy Bitch". I got the call this afternoon that my Estrogen was 47 (they want it under 50 to start stims) and my Progesterone was <.2 (they want it under 1 to start stims). So we are good to go!!! Stims start on Saturday!

But, if my Estrogen and Progesterone are so low - why am I acting like a total psycho? Ok, not a TOTAL psycho - it could definitely, definitely be worse. But, if my hormones are so low - why did I accuse my husband of deliberately choosing to brush his teeth last night while I was looking for my phone so that he could deliberately choose not to hear my cries from downstairs to help me look for it? I thought it was Estrogen that made me act that way? Is it just me? If so, please don't tell Mr. Spicy - the hormones excuse is the only reason he hasn't moved into the office, yet.

Ok - so I am half joking. Although the accusation I just described did in fact occur last night - for the most part I am doing much much better than I expected. I have these rages and they come and go - and that sucks. And I have been feeling off balance and that is hard, especially when I am trying so hard to stay grounded in all of this. But I know all of this could be so much worse. And frankly? Even if it were? I am not complaining. Not really complaining, anyway. Because I would go through so much more (this is not an invitation) - I would walk through fire - to become a mother, to have our baby.

And I know so many of you reading this would do the same.

Here's to walking through the fire....

9 comments:

Lori said...

Not sure whether I should light a match or not.

Sending a hug for your poor husband :-).

Spicy Sister said...

hmmm....Lori....no - I have a feeling there will be plenty of fire to walk through without an extra match. :)

I know, poor hubby. He's being a champ about it though - mostly.

Denise said...

Yay for starting stims! I'm right behind ya. U/S and BW for me tomorrow. Personally, I think that high hormones and very low hormones make us nutty. Either that or there is something else that the Lupron effects in us that we don't see from estrogen and progesterone levels.

Kim said...

It's the drop in estrogen that causes the crazy, like in menopause.

I'm telling you, hormones are always too blame, whether it too much or too little. It's never you.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Chiron said...

My heart is with you and your hubby. And my brother and sister-in-law (who tried IVF) are bringing their beautiful adopted daughter to visit me tomorrow. Yes, it is in fact, all about me and has nothing to do with the rest of my family or their desire to look for a home here. ;) Oh, and I have some nice products for your feet once you're done walking through the fire. :) I might even give them to you as a present.

Jen said...

Great news on stims starting! You are almost there! Yay!

K said...

Great news for U/S and blood test! Good luck on stims. I hope your follicles will grow and grow and grow!

Denise said...

I can't believe you were up at 4am! Actually, I can. I barely slept at all last night and I don't even start stims until tomorrow. I don't know if it is the excitement/dread or if it is something about Lupron that makes it difficult to sleep. Are they keeping you on 10 units until retrieval?

Alwen said...

love the new picture on the blog! lovely!