This morning I gave myself my first Lupron injection. It was pretty easy. I had a moment of panic before plunging the needle into my tummy - but then realized no one else was there to do it for me (Mr. Spicy was on an airplane at the time, on his way home from a week long business trip) and so I did it. And it was honestly so NOT a big deal that I then began to panic and wonder if I had done it correctly, given myself enough, etc. etc. Because the first injection of my IVF cycle just could not go that smoothly. Eh, I guess I was wrong.
My counselor today asked how I would commemorate my first day of injectable hormones - really the "start" of it all. It was hard to answer that because I feel like I have been in the beginning of the beginning since I had my period and 2 days later started BCPs. For me, that was really the start of it all. And I have been doing small things to commemorate that and acknowledge that ever since. But, this is the start of the next big step. And it is important.
So - I left my counselors office today and driving away I realized I was in the same 'hood as the big main office for CCRM - the palace of baby making if you will - where we will end up for any weekend ultrasounds and ultimately for the retrieval and transfer - the place where I will officially be "knocked up" and where our child(ren) will be conceived. Wow. So. I decided to go explore and find it. I drove around a bit and found it without too much trouble. I thought I would just take a peak inside, you know kind of say hello to the place. Well, walking in, I ran into a nurse wheeling a woman out in a wheelchair who looked dazed and weepy. The nurse helped the woman into the car that her husband (I assume?) had pulled up to the door for her and wished them luck. I wondered whether she had just had a retrieval or a transfer. I felt like I had peeked in on a private and sacred moment for the woman. I silently wished her luck as well. When I stepped in the doors, it didn't look at all like what I imagined. It was just the lobby - there were elevators, a welcome desk and a lot of cushy chairs. It was beautiful - and empty - so it was pretty obvious that I had just come in, windblown and all. I felt weird so I surveyed the room and quickly turned and left. I wondered if anyone had noticed - what they thought of some disheveled woman running in, hair a mess, only to look around and run out. I laughed when I got in the car, making up funny stories of who I could be - like a stalker of infertility clinics or something.
SO - that is what I did to commemorate this next big step - I stalked my fertility clinic. Yep. That's me. But you know? It did feel cool to actually see the building, to know that in a few short weeks I will be the woman in the wheel chair - I will be gingerly climbing into the car that Mr. Spicy has pulled up to the door. I will be riding home full of hope, anticipation, and a couple little passengers along for the ride.
I kind of can't wait.