Today is Mr. Spicy's birthday! He is 35!
Although I have been thinking and scheming about his birthday all week, I awoke this morning and
"Um....and also? honey? it happens to be my birthday today."
and so I replied:
"Shit!!!! Shit! It is isn't it? I so did NOT forget - I promise!!!! I have been thinking about it all week! Happy Birthday honey!!!! Really I didn't forget!"
After that I manically sang him "Happy Birthday" (so manically in fact, that later he swore I never sang it - but I know I did. I did. For the reals yo.)
Then, later, after he got out of the shower he asked if I wouldn't mind feeding the dogs and I kind of sort of argued with him about it. (I am such a good wife - geez!) Until he reminded me that uh, it is his birthday! Remember? Birthday?
I felt like such a schmuck. He has every right to expect a little TLC today, a little undivided attention. Not only is it his birthday, but he has given up a lot and had to endure a lot in this last year of us TTC and going through IVF. He has been tested, stretched, and had his "buttons" pushed in every way imaginable but rarely has he received the recognition he has deserved for all of this. In infertility, as in pregnancy, and I imagine parenthood - it seems like the dad is often pretty neglected. Yes, we women do the shots, we suffer the hormones, and we often feel it at a much deeper level than they do. But, they are going through their own journey - dealing with their own fears and stress and in the meantime, in many ways they kind of "lose" their wives for awhile in the process.
I have been able to get amazing support in this process both professionally and socially. It is harder for men to find this. And it is rare for others to recognize they might need it too.
Thankfully, Mr. Spicy has worked really hard to take care of himself and get support, especially during our IVF cycle. And this has made a huge difference for us both. But I think one of the hardest parts for him is how this process consumes so much of our lives, our conversations, our thoughts. Especially mine. I know he feels like he doesn't always get the "full me" and he misses that. So it makes sense that on his birthday he might want to wake up to me remembering him FIRST and celebrating him FIRST before launching into the baby monologue.
And he deserves that.
Because Mr. Spicy?
He is awesome. Really.
I tried to describe him here, to write all the amazing qualities he has - why I love him so much. But I realized it was going to be a very very very long post if I tried to do that so I am going to try to keep it simple:
Mr. Spicy is a good, true, strong, fierce, creative, kind, gentle, and incredibly sexy man. He is the person I enjoy most in the whole wide world and I love that I get to spend my life with him and that he is the man who will father our children.
Here, today on his birthday, I have no idea what to give him or say to him that will adequately express how I feel.
Because even though it is his birthday,
I am the luckiest.