May 09, 2008


When I first started this blog, when we first made the decision to do IVF - I knew that there were a few, if not many, people in my life who didn't agree with what we were doing. I knew that for moral, ethical, personal reasons, there would be those who could not or would not support us. Only one person came out and said this to me directly, but I suspected there were others.

So, when we started down this fork in the road I sent out an email to friends and family letting them know that we were doing this, we would understand if they could not support us, and that I would be writing a blog where they could read updates on the process if they wanted to. If they wanted nothing to do with this - fine, you don't have to read. I understand. I do.

Now - I find out that not only are people who are not supportive reading this, but they are reading this to ridicule me, this process, and this blog. In addition to this, they are openly inviting friends to read it and do the same.

This really shouldn't matter to me - and on some level it doesn't. I know that some bloggers have had to make their blogs private for this very reason. But, I don't want to do that. There are some really amazing women who I have met through this process who I never would have met if I had kept a private blog.

I am hurt, yes. But mostly, I am perplexed. If you think I am "overly dramatic" or "stupid" or "irrelevant" - if you really don't care about me or what I am writing about, then why do you read this? Is your life truly that small that you need to take pleasure from tearing another person down for sharing her feelings, for offering and asking for support, for documenting a sacred and important time in her life?

I guess I just do not understand your motivation on any level. I do not understand insulting someone, laughing at them behind their back, cheapening something meaningful to them. I do not understand meanness for the sake of meanness.

If you do not like me? I am totally fine with that.

If you do not like my blog? Even more fine with that.

If you think I am full of shit and you don't agree with IVF? Whatever.

But then, really, why are you coming here? There are people you can identify with all over the internet. Why spend your time here of all places? I have made no secret what this blog is about or what kind of person I am. If that is not your cup of tea, why do you come here?

I am not asking you to understand, I am not asking for your support. I am not asking for you to like me.

I am just asking you, nicely, to please find somewhere else to go.

Thank you.

or, actually, on second thought....stick around. You may think I am dramatic, over-emotional, self-absorbed, ridiculous, and delusional now - but you have truly seen nothing yet! Once these pregnancy hormones really kick into gear? Watch out! But hey, don't say I didn't warn you.

(Seriously though? it's a big wide internet out might want to check it out. Really. Ready. set. GO!)


Denise said...

I'm sorry there are people in your life that feel the need to do this. Losers. Sorry, maybe I'm biased.

Miss Tori said...

I don't get people. Some just truly enjoy taking someone's weakness and turning it around to hurt them with it.

It won't matter what you tell them here. They will just continue to be the sanctimonious asses that they are.

Prove to them that you can have a good life regardless of their thoughts and ramblings. They are the scum of the earth.


annacyclopedia said...

I'm sorry you're going through this, Spicy. Even when we're ok with stuff like that, it still hurts a bit, or at least sucks energy away from the rest of life trying to understand it. I'm with you - I totally don't get it either. I hope it does help to remember how little they're getting out of their own life journeys if they think it's a good use of their time to hang around your blog and insult you. Good grief, isn't there something crappy and mean-spirited on TV for them to watch?

And just to further counteract whatever idiocy you're having to contend with, I think you're swell. Your posts help me understand my own experience better, and are making me into a better person - a better wife, a better friend, and a better future mother. Your clarity and honesty about your own experience is a precious jewel to me and to many others in our community. So naff off, small-minded losers. If you're finding the internet too meaningful, I'm sure there's a 7-11 somewhere to stand outside of.

Kim said...

Unfortunately, I've been there - done that. People suck.

Quite honestly, screw them. No one outside of the IF world has a damn clue what it's like to go through what we do. Not just the actions (the IVF, IUI, blah blah), but the emotions of it all.

Let them act like children, and remind them that they can do so out of your life - because there's no place for that kind of BS in it.

Lori said...

I've got three words:

Illigitimi non carborundum.

poppy said...

I just found your blog a weekago, and have really enjoyed it. I am sorry you've had people in your life react in such hurtful ways. Your blog, among others, has been so helpful to me as I start my ivf journal, and I really appreciate that you post, and that you haven't made it private/friends only.

HeidiM said...

F*%$ 'em.

Duck said...

Wow, these people do not sound like friends, and I really hope for your sake that they don't call themselves family.
We have not told our family/friends, because really it's just not worth it, some people are just stuck in another century and really really don't get it.
I agree with Denise, losers.
Oh and if they want to see someone who is over dramatic, stop on by and see me, I'll show them drama.

Anonymous said...

First of all, congratulations on your positive second beta!!

You should feel ok with setting boundaries about who you share this journey with. Not everyone has to know everything about what you are doing. That is why I have chosen not to share certain things on my blog, even though strangers ask me about the most intimate details of my life. I've also had to go to moderating comments and not allowing anonymous comments anymore because it was obvious that people that didn't agree with my feelings were commenting on my blog.

It's your blog. You should feel free to create what you want, and censor those who are not supportive, if you can. Protecting yourself is totally ok. Not everyone is mature enough to understand what you are doing.

I've really appreciated your comments on my blog. It really sucks when you have finally attained pregnancy, that there are those who are so threatened by your strength to have gone through IVF that they cut you down. I'm guessing these people have never had to deal with IF. Cowards!! Just flip 'um the bird, I say!! You don't need these people in your life!