May 06, 2009

This Day...

One year ago today....

I drove to my RE's office. My stomach was filled with butterflies, my heart filled with hope. I listened to Feist on the way there, belting out the songs that had gotten us through our IVF experience thus far.

I waited to be called in the back and waited as the tech drew my blood, commenting on my unusually (for me) prominent veins that day. The tech and the nurses wished me luck, and promised if the news was favorable I would hear them shouting in celebration all the way at my house.

I drove home. I waited to pee on the home pregnancy test, a cheapie dollar store test. I finally gave in and peed, knowing my husband was on his way home. I left the test on the counter and waited for him to get here. I could not be alone when I saw the result. I could not face another negative test again, alone.

My husband came home and walked into the bathroom while I waited in the hallway. He carefully carried the test out to me. There were two lines. This was not another negative. This was different. This was wonderful. This was unbelievable.

And nothing has been the same since.

On that day, I thought that the sight of the digital pregnancy test spelling out "Pregnant" was the most beautiful image I had ever seen. I thought the sound of the nurse reporting our beta (197) was possibly the most incredible sound I had ever heard. I remarked that day, "I have never known a joy quite like this..."

And yet? As earth-shattering and life-changing as that day was? Everything I felt and heard and saw and wrote was all so very small compared to what I get to see and hear and feel today:

He is wonderful. He is unbelievable.


annacyclopedia said...

Absolutely perfect, Spicy. This post gave me goosebumps and fills me with hope.

And um, Spicy? You have the cutest baby EVER! He is sublime!

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

Indeed! Congrats on this anniversary and congrats to Zane too on his new skill!

Anonymous said...

I remember that time so well. I was and still am so happy for you. Congrats on the rolling boy. So fun, huh?

He is beautiful Duffy. Zane is just gorgeous.

Denise said...

Such a cute little man! If she weren't asleep in her crib, I'd put Bayla in front of the computer so she could say hi to her boyfriend.

We actually discovered we were pregnant on the same day since I got that first positive pee stick on the day of your first beta. Crazy.