March 24, 2009

Might be easier just to sell the house

Mr. Spicy had to be at work really early this morning. He let me know before leaving at 5:30am that our older dog, Sativa, had had an accident downstairs and that he wasn't going to have time to clean it up. I groggily took this in and rolled over and went back to sleep.

A few hours later Zane and I rolled out of bed and prepared to begin our day. As I carried him downstairs, the odor of dog poop wafted up and hit me in the face like a brick. As I turned the corner on the staircase I saw pile after pile of diarrhea, some dried and some fresh, laid out on the floor of the living room, across the rug, through the dining room, into the kitchen, and all the way up to the back door. It was as if she had made a trail of crap to remind her where the back door was in case she happened to lose her way. Or in case she suddenly went blind she'd be able to find her way by smell. And she had gone back and left a second trail, just to be sure.

I went to work wiping, spraying, wiping, mopping, and mopping some more. After nearly three hours the floors were clean, the rug was clean, but I felt like I was covered in dog crap and I couldn't get the stench of shit out of my nostrils.

I grabbed Zane and headed for the bathroom. I showered, and scrubbed, and showered. And then just for good measure I bathed him as well. With both of us disinfected and in clean clothes, I sat down to nurse him. Afterward, he immediately spit up all over the both of us. I am not proud to admit that I dabbed us both with a burp cloth and decided we could live with a little spit up for awhile. I grabbed a cereal bar and protein shake (my first meal of the day) and we laid down together for a nap.

Waking up later, feeling refreshed and optimistic, I headed downstairs once more to salvage what was left of our day. I turn the corner on the stairs and....there is shit. again. all over. again. It's like I am living in some crappy (heh heh) version of Groundhog Day.

So, I put the dog out. again. And I repeated the routine from earlier in some sort of twisted deja vu.

Hours later, the house clean again, the husband washing the dog downstairs - I realize I cannot get the smell of this day out of my nose, it is haunting me, along with the recurrent image of all. that. damn. poop. everywhere. - I am huddled in our room, nursing Zane, fearing that if I leave this room that I might find a trail of crap again. Traumatized by my dog's unfortunate condition, I wonder if there is any way to redeem the day?

That's when I remember.

This is exactly what alcohol was made for.


Stefany said...

Oh wow. What a completely sucktastic day.

I will admit my jealousy at your being able to nap with your baby though. I rarely get to do that with Johnny here. :(

I hope your pup is feeling better.

Oh, and pass the wine. I have yet to have any since giving birth but really would like a glass.

Secret Pop Star said...

As a teacher of mostly junior high boys....I will tell you this have just won cool points with Zane for dedicating an entire blog entry to poop. You will be a good mom to your boy...I hope you are also ready to talk about farts, burps, underwear, sweat, their "junk", boogers, wet willies, their sweaty "junk", wedgies, dirty jokes...and much more!!!! If you need some help, I will be more than happy to help you with being an in depth conversationalist in these areas! I am very practiced! :)

mary elizabeth said...

great attitude! a nice bottle of red will make you quickly forget!

hang in there!!